Photo by Eric Nadeau (Creative Commons)
I would like to share this short story with you. It is something that is very different from other posts on this blog: every now and then, it is important to go off-topic. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading.
The bitter cold went down my spine as I trotted down the sidewalk in the snow. Red, green and blue colors danced around me. I dreamed of being next to the fire; it was familiar, warm and safe. A tidal wave of loneliness came over me; suddenly the sky grew darker. The lights around me dimmed slightly.
I walked up the driveway and went into my slightly faded blue house. I strolled into the living room and fell on the couch. I immediately turned on the television and flipped through the channels. Twenty minutes later, I gave up. Hundreds of choices, but none were worth the time.
I went back into the kitchen and picked up a box of cereal. Cereal and soup were my two main staples. One was hot and one was cold. It was the best of both worlds. If only everything were so simple. I stared out the window and was mesmerized by the falling snow. I thought of our first Christmas together; sitting by the fire with hot apple cider in hand. I thought of the gentle warm glow against my face. My heart beat a little faster.
“Snap out of it,” I thought to myself. The phone rang.
Her heart pounded as she stepped off the plane. The terminal in the airport was complete chaos on the afternoon of Christmas Eve. She wiggled her way through as quickly as possible. The conversations had blurred together; it was impossible to say who was to blame or what had really taken place. It was all in the past. It was time to start over. She could call, but what could she say? Her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. Maybe a phone call was not a very good idea. She tried to walk faster past the moving sea of faces, but felt her heart sink as she saw a young family together with an infant. The dad was holding the baby girl close and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“This is all that really matters,”her insides screamed.
“Hello,” I mumbled into the phone.
“Hey man, where are you? The party started twenty minutes ago and you said you would bring the ice!” said an irritated voice on the other end of the line.
“Sorry, I’m on my way right now,” I said and hung up quickly.
I ran out the door and hopped in my snow-covered car. Maybe sometime with others is what I need. I stopped at the corner gas station to grab a bag of ice. I noticed the Christmas music playing gently over the small speakers. It slightly lifted my spirits. Of course it was a song that we heard together last year. I left and a couple minutes later pulled up to my friend’s house. The cars lined the street, bumper to bumper. The snow fell steadily from the black sky.
My friend Tom came to the door. “Where is your tacky Christmas sweater?” he asked.
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that,” I responded.
I walked into the house with the ice and went directly to the small wooden table where 2-liter bottles and punch sat next to some plastic cups. I grabbed a cup and held it up to my lips. The tart flavor of the punch made me gag. I used the cup as a blockade of sorts. I held the cup gracefully and acted like I was taking sips of the terrible drink. I began to scan the room to find a safe zone. I knew most men would be safe; I could talk about football and other sports. Women were to be avoided. I did not want any sympathy, empathy or uncomfortable questions.
It had been almost six months since she had left. Maybe some of the others had forgotten and this could be an enjoyable night.
I wasn’t really hungry, but I wandered over to the food table. I could use this distraction as more time to scan the room. I took some wheat crackers, a few small pieces of yellow and white cheese and a couple star-shaped Christmas cookies.
I noticed my neighbor, Pete, across the room and I went directly to him. We chatted about the weather, favorite Christmas movies, and predictably football. After Pete walked away, an attractive twenty something blonde came over to me. She was already a bit tipsy.
“Hey, you’re cute,” the girl said.
I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or the lamp next to me. I chuckled a little at this thought.
“Thanks, I’m actually leaving the party now.” I said.
I simply did not want to attempt to have a conversation with this inebriated young woman.
“Well, do you want some company?” she said.
“Sorry, no thanks,” I said.
I walked out of the living room and bumped into a co-worker, Rick.
“Wow, I saw what just happened. Are you crazy?” Rick asked.
“Maybe a little,” I answered.
Rick said “I know you have had a rough time, why didn’t you take her home with you?”
“I have enough problems already.” I replied.
I walked away. I did not want to talk about this any further.
“Sorry man, I’m not feeling well. I’ll catch you later,” I told my friend Tom on my way out the door.
I knew the drunk girl would have been a quick fix. In fifteen minutes, I knew I would be a million times more miserable. I went out into the frigid air. Be with me, darkness. The pain lets me know I’m alive. I looked up at the pitch black sky that was sprinkled with snow. Hopefully, this agony was just a temporary phase; everything would work out with time.
I began to drive home and suddenly felt a little comfort. An unexplainable feeling of peace came over me. I started to feel normal again; my insides were not as hollow. The snow began to fall even harder. White and black were the only colors on the landscape.
As I pulled in the driveway, I noticed a strange car parked in the street. I assumed one of the neighbors had a visitor.
I walked up the driveway and noticed some footprints partially covered in the snow. As I looked up I saw her standing by the door, as radiant as ever.
Neither of us could speak. We threw our arms around each other and pulled tight.
unknownjim 